P.S. "hardening" was not meant to be sexual in any way. especially because i lack that extra appendage.

Dearest Red,

today has been one of those days where ive allowed a bit of pessimism to seep in.

I am worried.

I feel like I am hardening. my empathy has fled me. as have my tears.

even my urge to write has been obliterated.

temporarily i hope.

i know what to do. i just can't.

thanks for listening as always,

hanging on by a thread,

sam

Waiting for the Sun

Dearest Naked Friend,

This is a brilliant idea. A place where we can write freely, dream, hope, and most of all love.

I am wearing my Kai-rock (spelling??) right now. And every time it hangs around my neck, I am reminded of a friendship. A friendship that is unlike any other. A friendship that has taught me how to be better. The stone is not merely a reminder, but the embodiment of love. And although it is a tangible object, it is our connection. When I am wearing it, you are standing with me, making sarcastic remarks about the blond across the hall, telling me to keep moving forward, helping me to not give up just yet.

I'll be honest, sometimes I want to give into it all. I just want to settle for the ordinary life becuase it would be easier. Surrounding me, I see bliss, I see ignorance, I see happiness. Would ignorance bring me happiness? People settle for "average" every day. But for some reason God won't let me settle. Even if I try, He somehow reminds me to press on, that I must not merely be content, but filled with passion and empathy. Why? Well I think God needs people like us becuase the world must come alive again. By being extraordinary, we let others believe they can be the same. Instead of the gray skies that seep through the dreariness of our world, we must look higher then the shaded clouds. Beyond the clouds, there is light, and this light comes from the infinite power of the sun. And although the clouds may block the sun's eletric rays, the sun always returns and shines brighter then it ever has. So we press on, we wait for the sun.

So here's to waiting, here's to living, here's to hoping.

Oh and Sam, find me a fricken man! Love you forever. And I think my boobs actually have gotten bigger... maybe not...

love always,

your red head.

l'inizio/ el inicio

dear Porsia,

it's been about two and a half years since that fateful day when my Hogwartz bookbag and recently-acquired HP book brought us together in the least conventional of places, a hospital. since then, i have come to acknowledge that bespectacled ginger as my unofficial sibling. we have had our rows, and our reconciliations, months of separation, and minutes that bring unprecedented enlightenment. We've grown taller (or at least i have, you remain "fun-sized" haha, shrimp), older, and arguably wiser, and our boobs have grown. oh wait, typo, our boobs have failed to grow.

Approximately 912ish days later, we find ourselves with concave breasts and without men. Yet, for what we lack in strategically placed body fat, we compensate with our love, idealism, and friendship.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

You know me better than most, and along with my habits of being approximately 15 minutes late to everything, you also know i failed at the journal we had planned to pass back and forth so as to bridge the 3000 mile gap between us. this is my way of "fixing it."

Let the i's be dotted, the t's crossed, the emotions felt, and ideas expressed,

but most of all let the idealism live on,

awaiting your response my fair, freckled friend,

(like the clever alliteration? because i am pleased with myself haha),

love always,

Sam